Local News No.2. Spalding Flower/Tulip Parade.

It's nice to see the Spalding Flower Parade will, at least in part, be returning to it's rightful home in Spalding town centre.

It has been reported that the parade will either start or finish at the Sir Halley Stewart Field adjacent to the town centre instead of the out of town shopping area it has been beached at in recent years.

Let's hope they get it right and the parade finishes at the Sir Halley Stewart Field ensuring the thousands of tourists and locals who visit will then stay in the town centre and spend their tourist £'s. Rather than at an out of town shopping centre full of national retail chains which has little benefit to the local economy other than a few part-time staff's wages and a bit of rates to the council. Spend the tourist £ locally and it will circulate in the local economy for years.

Better still, have the parade both start and finish in town.

Any chance?

Whisky of the Week No.2. Abelour.

Aberlour 10 Year Old.

This years Christmas gift from W.C., a child who knows how to keep on the right side of Dad.

It's a while since I tasted this particular single malt so it was a pleasure to slowly open and expectantly pour this lovely coloured liquid. A large, slow sniff revealed brandy and sherry, later confirmed by the smooth taste of both revealing the storage methods which use both sherry and bourbon casks. Add a touch of cinnamon and nutmeg with the usual warmth of a Speyside whisky and you have a very well rounded, smooth whisky for the price.

Definitely one for the recommended list.

Joke of the Week No.2. The Amazing Italian.

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing. A sign read, "Don't Miss the Amazing Italian." The salesman bought a ticket and sat down in the circus tent. There, under the Big Top, in the center ring, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Italian man.

Suddenly, the old man dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male member and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause and the elderly Italian was carried off on their shoulders.

Fifteen years later, the salesman visited the same little town, found the same circus and saw the same faded sign that read, "Don't miss the Amazing Italian."

He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the center ring was illuminated.

This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Italian stood before them, then suddenly dropped his pants and smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.

"You're incredible!" he told the Italian, "But I have to know something. I saw your act 15 years ago and you were using walnuts. Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?"

"Well," said the Italian, "My eyes aren't what they used to be."

Joke of the Week No.1. - Sensible Observations

OK, it's Sunday night and all we have to look forward to is another 5 days of the nine to five. So here are a few things to brighten the next few days, share them with your work colleagues, tell them you found them here and come back for more as I intend to make this a regular feature.

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

4) The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."

5) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay and the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."

6) "My Mother-in-Law said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'They weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

7) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."

8) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

9) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."

10) "My parents didn't want to move to Bournemouth, but they turned sixty and that's the law."

11) "Remember in Primary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? Do tall people burn slower?"

12) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.Monogamy is the same."

13) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will always give you a look that says,'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"

14) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.--Unknown, presumed deceased

15) "Everybody's got to believe in something.I believe I'll have another beer."

Local News No.1. A Good Night Out.

Yet another good evening's entertainment at The Market House in Long Sutton this week. If I said a poet and an illustrator on the same bill you would think I had possibly gone mad. But, if I said Ian McMillan - The Baird of Barnsley and Tony Husband - Cartoonist for Private Eye Daily Express etc, etc then you might get a better idea of the fun we had. Both of these men are extremely funny in their field, put together the night exploded with laughter. So this blog is to say thanks to Kay of Long Sutton Dramatic Society for arranging these nights. To the people of Long Sutton area I say open your minds, get off your arses and make an effort to attend, you won't be disappointed. You will find these nights advertised at The Market House, The Library, The Coop and on the Town Notice Board in the Market Place so there is no excuse.